I’m Not Worried About A War With North Korea. I’m Worried About Their Crimes Against Humanity.

Okay y’all, North Korea just declared war on America, but it’s not a big deal, at all. I mean, it’d be bad if North Korea were a normal country run by sane people with a stable government, but they’re not. Seriously, it’s nothing major. It’s probably the 15th time they’ve tried to declare war on the United States, and that’s just in recent memory. I’m sure they’ve done it more than that.

North Korea doesn’t actually want a war.

They know they’d lose. Maybe their citizens think victory is possible, but they are brainwashed. The leadership knows the reality. North Korea ain’t about to win a goddamn thing. They have (at best) late Cold War era Soviet technology levels, and maybe enough fuel and actual resources to wage war for a week. Two weeks, tops.

Their nuclear missile was a dick that took like a fucking week to get erect.

Seriously. I think they had that rocket on the launchpad for a goddamn week. And then they shot it into the damn ocean, because they suck at everything. Blah. Okay. If they ever do try to launch something, our spy satellites will know about it a week ahead, and we just knock the thing off its launchpad with a well placed drone.

Haha! Look at how stupid that dictator is. Oh wait, starving children aren’t funny.

They are just hungry, okay?

These people suck so badly at managing a government, their people literally starve. A pure, Cult of Personality Dictatorship is the best way to make everything terrible. So when they need international aid, they can’t ask — it’d break the illusion of power. So they whine like a child and stomp their feet.

I mean, Jesus Christ, Kim Jong Un wakes up every day, puts on his evil dictator costume, and goes to point at mountains and tanks or whatever the fuck an evil dictator does all fucking day. He’s an evil dictator. How the fuck should I know?

You see, he likes his life, pointing at mountains and tanks, pretending he’s God, drinking Hennessey. If he starts a war, he’s dead. It’s possible he survives a war with the West, but unlikely. Even if he did survive, he’d be fucked. Why?

North Korean rape, torture and death camps are a very real thing.

Because North Korea has fucking death camps.

I get it. People don’t like saying “death camps”, but it’s true. The human rights crimes in North Korea would mean Insta-death for Kim Jong Un if he ever survived a war with the West.

We have all their death camps, mapped out on satellite. They’re about as secret as my hand tattoos.

“No, those are work and prison camps.”

It’s not prison if your prison sentence is designed to kill you through malnutrition, disease, freezing temperatures and uh… well, guards who rape, torture and kill.

If you “commit a crime against the state”, your entire family is taken to a fucking prison camp, where your wife and daughter(s) are ritualistically raped by guards, often for years on end, while also being starved… usually until everyone dies.

That’s not prison. That’s death.

Those are fucking enormous human rights abuses, so if we really want to talk about an issue, it’s not their impotent nuclear capacity. There is no telling how many millions have died in their death camps, but when we’re talking about North Korea, it’s always their shit-stupid “Great Leader” Kim Jong Un, fucking pointing at nonsense. It’s always the same stupid picture of him, with fifteen generals behind him laughing and smiling, while he acts like some “aw shucks” kid in a toy store.

… and the world just isn’t fucking going to do shit about it. Why? Because we’re ill-prepared for what happens when a totalitarian state falls, and 40 million people have zero fucking direction.

A few years ago I read a whole research paper about this, which you can download for free here. But basically, no one in the West wants North Korea to fall apart, even though it’s a fucking inevitability. Sure, millions are dying in death camps, but it’s politically inconvenient to save the lives of these innocent North Koreans. If only their country sat on top of some strategic oil reserves. Maybe then they’d be worth sharing our freedom with.

The United States would have to help the Republic of Korea with a sudden influx of perhaps… 30 million people? They’d all need healthcare, jobs, and then there’s the issue of land management, land rights in North Korea, etc. I mean, what if you literally had to start with a blank slate: That’s where we are with North Korea.

Japan? Fuck, Japan doesn’t want a goddamn thing to do with this. The last thing Japan wants is a unified Korea, effectively doubling its output capacity in just over a decade. (Because eventually, shit would settle down, and unified Korea would be a technological and industrial powerhouse.) You think Japan wants the competition? Fuck no.

China likes having a buffer between South Korea and their border. They don’t want a U.S. ally on their doorstop. Hell the fuck no. That, and they don’t want several million new people entering their autocratic country, because they’re not equipped to handle it. They’re a country that plans everything in advance, and a wrench like North Korea falling would really fuck their whole shit up.

So what do we do? The United States and China keep dropping bags of rice and just wait until the wheels come off this motherfucker. We hope that North Korea doesn’t get cozy with someone and start selling nuclear secrets for cash. It’s a dangerous ass situation, but we can’t do a damn thing about it.

But let’s loop back around to the original point: There is some “Nazi Holocaust” level shit going on in North Korea, and since it’s not politically convenient to help those people, we’re just letting it happen.